Billy Crystal can’t fool me.

His new Still Foolin’ ‘Em: Where I’ve Been, Where I’m going, and Where the Hell Are My Keys? book purports to be about turning 65. Sure, he covers the bases on aging issues.

However, I think he might have wanted to call the book Baseball and Other Stuff. His words sparkle when discussing his favorite sport.

He writes adoringly but honestly. Crystal encountered Mickey Mantle at his best…and alcoholic worst.

Joe DiMaggio dissed Crystal’s wife when she tried to get a vintage jersey signed by the crankiest Yank. Joe D brushed her aside, saying that he had an exclusive signing deal with a card company. (We’ve heard that one before, right?)

At least, the Hall of Famer never punched YOU in the stomach. Crystal relives both moments in fan-friendly fashion.

I love the chapters about the movie *61, and Crystal’s one-day career as a New York Yankee. Somehow, he fudges on only one detail about his single at-bat in a spring training game against the Pirates.

“My wife made fun baseball cards of me as a present…” he recaps, telling of the gifts he left for each teammate.

These were no homemade knock-offs. Topps produced the 1952-style cards of Billy. A year later, he’d autograph a few for inserts, found in just one of an estimated 60,000 packs. (Did his Yankee brothers get the facsimile autograph version?)

Of course, there’s choice material about Crystal’s acting, too. He ties in Hollywood lore with his baseball passion. How could he have agreed to wear a Mets cap instead of a beloved Yankees topper in City Slickers? There was a $40,000 licensing issue! Again, in baseball terms, Crystal does both play-by-play and color commentary in his career recounting.

G-rated readers, take note: Crystal seems to launch at least one F-bomb per chapter. Aside from the frequent off-color color, readers can soak up chapters of gleeful gratitude from this senior funnyman.

The book can be summed up in Crystal’s recounting of a phone call from Ted Williams. Teddy Ballgame praised Crystal’s Oscar hosting in baseball terms.

“Ted, is everything hitting to you?”

“You bet,” he said. “It’s a great metaphor, isn’t it?”

Crystal’s book is a great metaphor for fans, collectors and viewers. He enjoys every day and every game. I enjoyed every word.

(image copyright, courtesy of USPS)

Collectors are getting heard.

The U.S. Postal Service chose to issue limited numbers of sheets of ONE each of the four new commemorative stamps of Ted Williams, Joe DiMaggio, Larry Doby and Willie Stargell.

The only problem? Only post offices in Cooperstown and the team cities got the special sheets.

Therefore, only some Yankee fans can delight in having no one but The Yankee Clipper on their envelopes. Why not let ALL collectors have the one stamp they want most?

I’m bored with Liberty Bell FOREVER stamps. I feel baseball stamps get your envelope noticed when you’re writing for an autograph. Most of all, using the commemoratives tells the USPS to keep autograph collectors in mind for future issues. Agree?

Coming Friday: Talking autographed baseball books with expert Bobby Plapinger!

Matt Tavares (left) and Pedro Martinez, both signing autographs at a Jimmy Fund fundraiser (Photo courtesy www.MattTavares.com)

Matt Tavares is bringing baseball history to a new generation.

The talented author-illustrator’s latest creation is There Goes Ted Williams: The Greatest Hitter Who Ever Lived (Candlewick Press). I’m thankful to Matt, who agreed to share his own history as a fan and occasional collector.

Q: I love your book Zachary’s Ball. How were the Red Sox autographs collected in the book for the First Book fundraiser? Had you ever tried collecting autographs, in person or TTM, before?

(Image courtesy www.MattTavares.com)

A: During the 2004 season, Trot Nixon’s wife was involved with First Book, a great organization that provides books for children in low income families. I’m not sure if it was her idea or someone else’s, but I think she basically just asked Trot to pass the book around the clubhouse and have everybody sign it, so they could auction it off to raise money for First Book. I didn’t even know about it until after the book had been signed. Conveniently, the Red Sox went on to win the World Series that year, which made the book even more special. My publisher, Candlewick Press, is also involved with First Book, so they helped out with the auction. It sold for about $2000!

A: It is nice when you can actually read the player’s name. Ted Williams had such a beautiful, classic signature (just like his swing!), as did Mickey Mantle. Pedro Martinez has a nice autograph too. I definitely have some autographs that I can’t even tell who it is. When I sign books I try to keep my name legible, but sometimes it gets a little scribbly. Every now and then I’m asked to sign a baseball, and that’s definitely harder than signing a piece of paper or a book!

Q: You mention your Dad in your Author’s Note for the great book, There Goes Ted Williams. What’s your fan history, including Boston games you attended (with him, and later)?

A: I grew up in Winchester MA, a suburb of Boston. My dad took me to a few Red Sox games a year when I was a kid. And of course, I watched tons of games on tv. I always brought my glove, and always wanted to catch a foul ball. In 1990, when I was a sophomore in high school, the Red Sox just needed to win one game in their final series against the White Sox to clinch the division, so my dad bought tickets to all three games, figuring we’d keep going until they clinched. They lost the first game, lost the second game, and finally won it in the final game of the season. That was the game Tom Brunansky made that amazing diving catch near Pesky’s pole to end it. I was sitting in right field in section 7, row 11 (I thought that was good luck). That was one fun and exhausting week! I’ve been to some other big games… the 1999 Red Sox-Yankees ALCS game 3, Clemens vs. Pedro, as well as games 4 and 5 in the ALDS against the Indians that year. Lots of great Fenway memories over the years…

These days, living in southern Maine, I go to more Portland Sea Dogs games than Red Sox games. Portland is the AA affiliate of the Red Sox, so it’s fun to follow the Sea Dogs, then when the players get called up to the majors I already know them.

Q: I know that Cal Ripken Jr. and the late Gary Carter have championed children’s books, encouraging more kids to read. Are there past or present baseball names who’ve communicated with you?:

A: My baseball books have been used by The Massachusetts Teachers Association a few times for their Red Sox Reading program. Through that, I’ve gotten to meet Trot Nixon, Derek Lowe, and Jason Varitek, who were all involved with the program over the years. Recently I signed books at a Jimmy Fund fundraiser where Pedro Martinez was signing, so I got to meet him. I was so excited, I felt like a little kid

Q: For either your Henry Aaron or Ted Williams books, did you correspond with any baseball names (teammates, foes, media, etc.) for your research?

I’m a Phil Bildner fan. The attorney-turned-teacher-turned-author is today’s Matt Christopher, and then some!

Bildner is a literary time traveler. His Sluggers book series, about turn-of-the-century barnstormers, is like chocolate-coated vegetables. It’s so much fun that young readers will never know that they’re being introduced to baseball lore. As an historian, Bildner makes the past matter a current topic for young fans.

Q:.Your great new book is about Ted Williams, Joe DiMaggio, and their great 1941 season. If you could reach Teddy Ballgame in baseball heaven by mail, what would you ask him?

A: I would love the opportunity to ask Ted Williams about the home run in his last at bat. I’d also like to ask him about his return to Fenway for the All-Star Game before he passed.

Joe DiMaggio and Ted Williams are “forever” All-Stars. They’ll have their own “forever” stamps starting in July, 2012.

Co-starring will be commemorative stamps of Larry Doby and Willie Stargell.

Artist Kadir Nelson, who painted the elegant 2010 Negro Leagues stamps, is creator of these four portraits.

I hope collectors stockpile these beauties. There’s nothing better for baseball correspondence!

Coming Wednesday: Ted Wieand shares good and bad news.

I learned that Bob Addis became a school teacher after his short playing career.

His reply to me contained an eye-opening history lesson.

I asked about his first-ever homer off don Newcombe (Sept. 26, 1951), or his big three-run blast off ace reliever Joe Black (June 18, 1952). Who wouldn’t enjoy recalling showcases against celebrated Dodger foes?

Instead, Addis chose to address his first career.

Tomorrow: Pitcher Frank Carpin’s day versus Sandy Koufax.

As I revised my “autograph collecting” goals one year ago, I thought about The Williams Shift.

Starting with the Cleveland Indians and player-manager Lou Boudreau, fielders bunched to the right side of the diamond for the king of pull hitters. Foes offered Ted Williams a tempting consolation prize. Plunk a single down the third base line. Lay down a bunt. Give up your power and get a base.

I don’t have a 100 percent success rate asking questions by mail. I guess that in the past year I’ve struck a nerve with a few retirees. I’ve asked a few hard questions about their frustrations, even their failures. Sometimes, I think ex-players choose the recycling bin instead of reliving what might not be a rosy memory. Possibly, they aren’t willing to relive any of their career, beyond looking at cards of their younger selves.

When I read about successes posted on http://www.sportscollectors.net/, I’ve been taken down a notch to see that some retirees who’ve sidestepped answering my questions are returning autographed cards elsewhere in two weeks or less. That could be me, too. If I’d change my game plan.

But “The Splendid Splinter” wasn’t always that. He struck out 709 times. Likewise, I’ll keep swinging for the fences. Every letter mailed may not produce baseball gold. That’s okay. I’m ready for more one or two-page replies. I’m finding baseball storytellers who’ll turn back time for me. They do more than answer trivia questions. They describe what it felt like to be a major leaguer, painting pictures with words.

If you see me wearing one of those rubber bracelets, my abbreviation would read: WWTWD.

Dave Baldwin only looked like a typical baseball player.

In his delightful memoir Snake Jazz, he includes the confessional chapter “Tormenting Ted.” When Ted Williams took over the Senators in 1969, he claimed that his clueless pitchers couldn’t even explain why a curveball curves.

The hurler from the University of Arizona responded with a short speech on the science behind an off-speed pitch. Upon realizing that this wasn’t a classroom discussion but a rhetorical challenge, Baldwin braced himself for Williams to come unglued. Instead, he won the skipper’s grudging admiration.

Knowing this, I asked Baldwin how he felt about the diverse education of his teammates.Baldwin’s first full year in Washington was highlighted by 58 appearances. He geared up  for a 162-game schedule, however.

“Regarding teammates with an academic background, I found other college-educated players on all of the teams I played on. Relating to teammates, educated or not was never a problem for me — we all had one interest in common — baseball — and that was enough.”

Topps Refused to make Rich Rich. Read the Sig!

 I loved hearing from former catcher Rich Billings. Some retired players can’t get beyond stats. Billings remembers the FEELINGS of trying to be a major leaguer.

He has some good days to savor, including his first career homer off John Hiller and the World Champion Tigers on Sept. 22, 1968. In Cleveland, July 5, 1971, his 3-for-5 day featured a grand slam! Thanks, http://www.retrosheet.org/.

The first question I had was in trying to please manager Ted Williams, once seen as the world’s greatest hitter. Billings wrote:

“Ted Williams was a very intense individual who seemed to have ‘several’ personalities, all at different times. He was the most dynamic personality I was ever around.

He became very frustrated at teaching hitting to us, simply because we didn’t have his God-given talent to carry out his instructions.”

Billings followed Williams and the Senators from Washington to Texas. How was the transition?

“At first, we were very sad to leave D.C. We knew Texas was football country, but after a year or two, the fans really accepted us.”

No one may have felt the Texas heat more than a catcher like Billings.

“The heat didn’t seem to be much of a factor, except on days that were a double-header or it got over 100 degrees.


When you’re young, I guess the heat is a non-issue. Now, I hate July and August here in Texas.”

Yes, you guessed the state where Billings lives. Once a Ranger, always a Ranger?

Beloved Boston Red Sox pitcher Bill Monbouquette has faced challenges bigger than any hitter of late. Diagnosed with leukemia, he underwent a bone marrow transplant. He’s endured, maintaining a healthy sense of humor.

I looked at his career stats, namely his 78 complete games and 18 shutouts. I noted he was an “inning eater.” How did he carry such a workload? Before answering, Monbouquette agreed with me. I felt like Agatha Christie, getting the butler to say that he did it.

He learned about pitching through one of the world’s greatest hitters: Ted Williams.

“Loved talking to Ted about baseball. ‘Pitch ahead. Make the hitter hit your pitch.'”

How popular was the hurler? Check out the song he inspired!